18 THINGS I LEARNED IN NEW ORLEANS
Posted by Al Pastor
Here is a poem I wrote some time ago, before the flood.
18 THINGS I LEARNED IN NEW ORLEANS
1. Three pounds of crawfish per person.
2. Always take your sunglasses. Even if it is dark and you are just going to the store for a candy bar or cigarettes.
3. Tabasco on raw oysters, Crystal on everything else.
4. Every shopping list begins: cat food, half & half, lemons, toilet paper.
5. Bob Dylan is more than a whiny hippie, Alex Chilton should be as overplayed as Paul McCartney, and the United States of America should be called the United States of Louis Armstrong.
6. The correct response to “Where y’at?” is “Alright.” The correct response to “You want that dressed up?” is “All the way.”
7. Lemon juice takes the smell of fish off your hands.
8. Give directions in uptown/downtown-lake/river axes.
9. Chicory, whatever the fuck it is, does not enhance the flavor of coffee.
10. There is a “sweet spot” on a crawfish or shrimp tail that when pinched ejects the meat from the shell.
11. Turkey necks are not only edible, but delicious.
12. Sometimes giving someone less than something is worth, say paying a quarter a record for a box of records that someone’s dead father collected over most of a century, records that you will sell for eight to twleve bucks apiece, sometimes that kind of exploitation, in cash, on the spot, is not just agreeable to the sellers of the undervalued items, it is a life raft, a miracle sort of, a rent check or light bill. Other times it is just shameful. It can make you rich and fat, though.
13. In the event of a hurricane, taping up the windows is bullshit, only plywood works; quarter- or half-inch plywood.
14. The word “creole” has several meanings.
15. The Police are no joke.
16. When you steal money from people they get very angry, even if it is just a little bit of money and even if they really like you.
17. Cockroaches can fly.
18. Canadians, despite their nationalism, can be charming.
Here is a poem I wrote some time ago, before the flood.
18 THINGS I LEARNED IN NEW ORLEANS
1. Three pounds of crawfish per person.
2. Always take your sunglasses. Even if it is dark and you are just going to the store for a candy bar or cigarettes.
3. Tabasco on raw oysters, Crystal on everything else.
4. Every shopping list begins: cat food, half & half, lemons, toilet paper.
5. Bob Dylan is more than a whiny hippie, Alex Chilton should be as overplayed as Paul McCartney, and the United States of America should be called the United States of Louis Armstrong.
6. The correct response to “Where y’at?” is “Alright.” The correct response to “You want that dressed up?” is “All the way.”
7. Lemon juice takes the smell of fish off your hands.
8. Give directions in uptown/downtown-lake/river axes.
9. Chicory, whatever the fuck it is, does not enhance the flavor of coffee.
10. There is a “sweet spot” on a crawfish or shrimp tail that when pinched ejects the meat from the shell.
11. Turkey necks are not only edible, but delicious.
12. Sometimes giving someone less than something is worth, say paying a quarter a record for a box of records that someone’s dead father collected over most of a century, records that you will sell for eight to twleve bucks apiece, sometimes that kind of exploitation, in cash, on the spot, is not just agreeable to the sellers of the undervalued items, it is a life raft, a miracle sort of, a rent check or light bill. Other times it is just shameful. It can make you rich and fat, though.
13. In the event of a hurricane, taping up the windows is bullshit, only plywood works; quarter- or half-inch plywood.
14. The word “creole” has several meanings.
15. The Police are no joke.
16. When you steal money from people they get very angry, even if it is just a little bit of money and even if they really like you.
17. Cockroaches can fly.
18. Canadians, despite their nationalism, can be charming.
2 Comments:
This man, by God, is a genius!
Are you reading Rosie's WEb site again, because this sounds like one of her "poems."
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