Of Lost Sunglasses, Little Old Ladies And The Hard Sell
Posted by Al Pastor
3/15/05 Oaks Club $2-4 Hold’em
4:30-6:00 PM
In $60 Out $0 -$60
3/20/05 Oaks Club $2-4 Hold'em
2:15-4:15 PM
In $80 Out $0 -$80
Hours Played 2005 67 YTD -$609
I lost my goddam sunglasses, so I go into the Lenscrafters’ on Market Street today during lunch. I found some pretty expensive frames I liked and approached the lenscrafter who was seated behind a low computer desk.
GAMBLING POET: Hi
LENSCRAFTER: Hello. What can we at Lenscrafters’ do for you today?
GP: (holding up somewhat expensive Italiany sunglasses) How much would it cost to have prescription lenses put into these frames?
LC: Well, that depends on whether you want the polarized lenses or just the regular plastic lens.
GP: How much would these options cost? What is the difference between the two?
LC: The polarized lenses are just about $20 more than the regular plastic lenses. The polarized lenses have UV protection and are lighter and more scratchresistant than the regular plastic.
GP: How much would either of them cost?
LC: The polarized are actually not much more than the regular.
GP:(speaking very slowly)So how much would either of these options cost?
I wish that I had added “The answer is a number. It is probably going to start with like a 2 or a 3, but if you say anything other than a number, I am going to stand up and walk wordlessly away.”
LC: Do you have any coupons or any insurance to help you with the cost of these glasses?
GP: No.
LC: (shifts computer keyboard so she can see some sort of markup key underneath, then punching numbers into a calculator) Glasses or sunglasses?
GP: Sunglasses.
LC mumbles “tinting” and punches the calculator.
I finally got the exorbitant price out of her, but it was like negotiating for a goddam Saturn. I did not buy them. I thought I would see what else was around. I did print a coupon, in case I don’t find anything. It is telling that they are willing to knock $75 off the price from the very start.
This has little to do with poker, except that one of the ancillary pleasures of the game is that it is acceptable to wear sunglasses at the table at all times and in all conditions including and most especially, indoors at night. Also, I am going to Las Vegas next week, which represents a sunglasses imperative.
!
Still getting fucking murdered twice a week. The $2-4 means I lose less and more slowly, but I still haven’t been able to put together a winning session, even though it feels like I am playing pretty well. In the two sessions reported here, I think I played alright and had terrible luck. This is somewhat difficult to determine reliably, though, because it always feels like the card just didn’t come and that that is why you lose. At the end of Tuesday’s session, before getting up and driving across town to see Bob Dylan and Merle Hagard at the Paramount,
I got dealt a pair of red 4s. I called the bet with 5 or six others. A flop came 4 club, 6 club, jack spade (As red jacks are called Jack Ruby, the jack of club and spade are sometimes called Jack Black, which I have tried to extrapolate to Tenacious D, but I have not gotten the response I was looking for when I have made this joke at the table.), giving me a low set, but putting out a straight and a flush draw. Bets around to me, I raise, everbody but one calls. Something like a red nine falls on the turn, no help to the draws, so I think my 4s are best. First player bets, I raise, we run a few of the straight chasers out. The river is a 6, pairing the board, making me a full house. He bets, I raise, the other plays fold, he reraises, indicating the 6 has made him a better full house than mine, probably. He could just have a set himself though, and the pot is huge; if I call the raise we will each have put in $30, plus the earlier bets from all the chasers, puts it around $90. So I call and lose with to his sixes full of jacks.
Sunday, after waiting about 45 minutes for a seat, I got sent to a table that was being pushed around by a little old lady. I have played with her before but do not know her name. She wears a blue bandana under a red leather/pleather newsie cap, huge lenses in big pinkish frames shaped like squares with circles of slighty too large diameter forced inside so they bulge, and a pink windbreaker. She is running the table, dragging every pot. She had about $400 in chips in front of her and is not really the type to buy in for more than a rack (a rack holds one hundred chips of a given denomination, $100 in our game), so my presumption is that she had been winning for a while.
I got terrible cards all day, and even though I didn’t play many hands, it was clearly too many.
!
Tuesday again, so I will answer the sunglass imperative, and then head across the bridge to take my beating. In lieu of an in depth report on the Dyaln/Haggard summit, I will make this offer: send me $2 to cover postage and handling, and I will burn you a cd of 18 (or 19 if you request OKIE FROM MUSKOGEE) of my favorite Merle Haggard songs, which will not include FIGHTIN’ SIDE OF ME, which was a bow to fashion when it was written and is a concession to fashion in its revival, contradicting as it does the rest of the Hag ouevre. It may include OKIE FROM MUSKOGEE, if you request it. I can find the humor in the lyrics to that one, and see the irony in a bunch of California pillheads sing about how they don’t smoke weed or wear Roman sandals in Muskogee. I won’t include it if you don’t request it, though.
That's $2 to: Haggard Offer, 3600 20th St Suite #403, SFCA 94110.
3/15/05 Oaks Club $2-4 Hold’em4:30-6:00 PM
In $60 Out $0 -$60
3/20/05 Oaks Club $2-4 Hold'em
2:15-4:15 PM
In $80 Out $0 -$80
Hours Played 2005 67 YTD -$609
I lost my goddam sunglasses, so I go into the Lenscrafters’ on Market Street today during lunch. I found some pretty expensive frames I liked and approached the lenscrafter who was seated behind a low computer desk.
GAMBLING POET: Hi
LENSCRAFTER: Hello. What can we at Lenscrafters’ do for you today?
GP: (holding up somewhat expensive Italiany sunglasses) How much would it cost to have prescription lenses put into these frames?
LC: Well, that depends on whether you want the polarized lenses or just the regular plastic lens.
GP: How much would these options cost? What is the difference between the two?
LC: The polarized lenses are just about $20 more than the regular plastic lenses. The polarized lenses have UV protection and are lighter and more scratchresistant than the regular plastic.
GP: How much would either of them cost?
LC: The polarized are actually not much more than the regular.
GP:(speaking very slowly)So how much would either of these options cost?
I wish that I had added “The answer is a number. It is probably going to start with like a 2 or a 3, but if you say anything other than a number, I am going to stand up and walk wordlessly away.”
LC: Do you have any coupons or any insurance to help you with the cost of these glasses?
GP: No.
LC: (shifts computer keyboard so she can see some sort of markup key underneath, then punching numbers into a calculator) Glasses or sunglasses?
GP: Sunglasses.
LC mumbles “tinting” and punches the calculator.
I finally got the exorbitant price out of her, but it was like negotiating for a goddam Saturn. I did not buy them. I thought I would see what else was around. I did print a coupon, in case I don’t find anything. It is telling that they are willing to knock $75 off the price from the very start.
This has little to do with poker, except that one of the ancillary pleasures of the game is that it is acceptable to wear sunglasses at the table at all times and in all conditions including and most especially, indoors at night. Also, I am going to Las Vegas next week, which represents a sunglasses imperative.
!
Still getting fucking murdered twice a week. The $2-4 means I lose less and more slowly, but I still haven’t been able to put together a winning session, even though it feels like I am playing pretty well. In the two sessions reported here, I think I played alright and had terrible luck. This is somewhat difficult to determine reliably, though, because it always feels like the card just didn’t come and that that is why you lose. At the end of Tuesday’s session, before getting up and driving across town to see Bob Dylan and Merle Hagard at the Paramount,
I got dealt a pair of red 4s. I called the bet with 5 or six others. A flop came 4 club, 6 club, jack spade (As red jacks are called Jack Ruby, the jack of club and spade are sometimes called Jack Black, which I have tried to extrapolate to Tenacious D, but I have not gotten the response I was looking for when I have made this joke at the table.), giving me a low set, but putting out a straight and a flush draw. Bets around to me, I raise, everbody but one calls. Something like a red nine falls on the turn, no help to the draws, so I think my 4s are best. First player bets, I raise, we run a few of the straight chasers out. The river is a 6, pairing the board, making me a full house. He bets, I raise, the other plays fold, he reraises, indicating the 6 has made him a better full house than mine, probably. He could just have a set himself though, and the pot is huge; if I call the raise we will each have put in $30, plus the earlier bets from all the chasers, puts it around $90. So I call and lose with to his sixes full of jacks.
Sunday, after waiting about 45 minutes for a seat, I got sent to a table that was being pushed around by a little old lady. I have played with her before but do not know her name. She wears a blue bandana under a red leather/pleather newsie cap, huge lenses in big pinkish frames shaped like squares with circles of slighty too large diameter forced inside so they bulge, and a pink windbreaker. She is running the table, dragging every pot. She had about $400 in chips in front of her and is not really the type to buy in for more than a rack (a rack holds one hundred chips of a given denomination, $100 in our game), so my presumption is that she had been winning for a while.
I got terrible cards all day, and even though I didn’t play many hands, it was clearly too many.
!
Tuesday again, so I will answer the sunglass imperative, and then head across the bridge to take my beating. In lieu of an in depth report on the Dyaln/Haggard summit, I will make this offer: send me $2 to cover postage and handling, and I will burn you a cd of 18 (or 19 if you request OKIE FROM MUSKOGEE) of my favorite Merle Haggard songs, which will not include FIGHTIN’ SIDE OF ME, which was a bow to fashion when it was written and is a concession to fashion in its revival, contradicting as it does the rest of the Hag ouevre. It may include OKIE FROM MUSKOGEE, if you request it. I can find the humor in the lyrics to that one, and see the irony in a bunch of California pillheads sing about how they don’t smoke weed or wear Roman sandals in Muskogee. I won’t include it if you don’t request it, though.
That's $2 to: Haggard Offer, 3600 20th St Suite #403, SFCA 94110.
2 Comments:
Where do I send my $2? Please include OKIE FROM MUSKOGEE.
Also, do you get to write off you gambling losses? If so, does that affect how you play?
Don't give up now.
Don't give up until you are on 'ulitmate poker challenge showdown'.
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